Chapter 18 ~ Clearing The Air

Edward and I walked back to everyone, hand in hand. Looking at Edward you wouldn’t even know we just had a life changing conversation. He is so good at masking his emotions, I wondered if my face was just as blank.  Most of the wolf pack was together around a fire cooking what looked like rabbit, Maggie was sitting on a rock staring up at the moon, Zafrina was staring at a map and Alice and Jasper were leaning against a wall of rock, whispering. Edward nudged my arm lightly before he spoke, “Hey Jas I wanted to talk to you.” Jasper pushes off the wall with his foot and comes to Edward.

“Ok what’s up,” The two of them begin walking down the slope; I turn to Alice who is staring right at me.

“Hi Alice, what are you up to?” She simply shrugs saying nothing. “You alright?”

She rolls her eyes, and slowly crushes a rock in her hand turning it into sand. “Bella what do you want?”

Her sharp tone took me for a bit of a surprise, “I just wanted to talk is all, catch up, you know?”

She shakes her head, “You are so phony Bella, you are checking up on me just admit it.”

Maybe she actually could hear Edward and me up on the hill, “Why would I have to check up on you Alice?”

She whips her head at me, glaring into my eyes, “You know I should ask you that Bella, we all don’t feel that you have been forthcoming about the knowledge you have.”

I burst out laughing, “You can’t be serious Alice, you all throw this information at me and are surprised when I begin to act strangely?”

“No Bella, strange we can deal with but I know you are hiding something and the more you keep it a secret the more suspicious we all will be of you, that makes you a target.”

A twinge of anger flickers across my face, “Target, really?”

She inhales,” I just mean you are dangerous, and you can sway both ways good or evil, your secrets just show us you are opting for the easier path.”

I clench my fists, “Are you high or something Alice?” I can hear my voice getting louder, “Secrets engulf this group, you should know.”

She abruptly stands her body arching over mine, “Queen Witch or not I will rip out your tongue if you continue treating me like the enemy Bella.”

I stand pushing her slightly, “I would love to see you try.”

Maggie comes rushing in Zafrina doesn’t even look up from her map. “Now now girls what’s all the commotion?” 

Alice and I were frozen staring into each other’s eyes, one just waiting for the other to make the first move; I prayed it would be her so I was warranted to kill her. “I said what is going on, someone answer me please?”

Without changing my stance, “You don’t want to get involved in this Maggie.”

She positions herself between the two of us, “Like hell I don’t, I won’t be having us fight each other on top of Caius’s army, now break it up.”

“Funny thing Maggie, I thought I was fighting Caius’s army just now.” A slight smirk came across my lips thinking that would for sure push Alice. But it was Zafrina who interrupted.

“You think Alice is working for Ciaus?” Her laughter echoes through the cave, “That is classic.”

I turn toward Zaf, “Why is this amusing to you?” Edward and Jasper both return, looking at the situation with caution.

“It’s just that it would be more logical that you would think I was working for Caius, you know with all the hatred I have for you and all.”

Edward’s eyes are locked on me, Jasper returns to Alice’s side, “Honestly Zaf, I would have thought that myself, but…” I trail off knowing I can’t tell anyone about my mother.

“But what?” Alice says

“I just, I am remembering is all and Alice, everything about you screams traitor.”

“THAT’S CRAP!” jasper shouts, everyone is taken back by his outburst. “ Alice has gone to hell and back for you Bella, and here she is doing it all over again, what kind of shit are you seeing to think so ill of her?”

Edward slinks to my side clasping my hand, he leans in and lightly whispers, “You tell them or you stop talking, you can’t win with a broken story.”

I close my eyes and take in a deep breathe, “My mother is alive, and she told me Alice can’t be trusted.” When I open my eyes everyone is staring at me their mouths half open, as if they were in frozen shock. 

“Just give them a minute, Edward said quietly.

It was naturally Maggie who broke the silence, “When did you see her dear?”

“Before on the hill when we were flanking Caius’s army.”

Alice and Jasper look at each other; fear was painted on their faces. “And by the terror on your faces, it tells me that she is right.”

Edward grabs my arm, “Wait Bella hear them out.”

I turn to Edward, “you promised not to interfere.”

“I won’t, but if you are right then don’t you want an explanation?”

Jasper steps forward, “Bella, please don’t act on a feeling, you can’t trust what you saw.”

“Why, because Alice said she watched her die?”

“ No Bella, that was a lie, Alice didn’t watch her die, she told you that so you would think your mother loved you and that you would hold onto the hope that there is good in this world, and that you weren’t born into hate but into love.”

Edwards face was as confused as mine. “The secrets, all the secrets, I don’t trust any of you anymore.” I fall to the ground, covering my head with my hands, rocking back and forth; Edward wraps his entire body around me, comforting me.

Alice steps beside me, “Remember when I told you that when I was captured a man came into the room where we were held and I thought him to be my savior, but I would later find that out to not be true?”

I said nothing just sat in silence, so she continued, “ He worked for Caius, his name was Demetri, he swept me off my feet, always flirting with me at the castle, sending me flowers, and leaving butterflies in my room, he was a charmer, and that’s exactly what he was, a charmer.”

I lifted my head slightly, looking up at Alice, her gaze was distant, like she was remembering, “He was an amazing tracker but also gifted in the art of charm, he could plant a single seed of emotion inside you and it would bloom into whatever he felt was beneficial to his cause.” Jasper placed his hands on Alice’s shoulders for support. “He told me of the night of your birth and how he watched your mother turn to stone and ash, I believed him so much that it became a memory.” 

Edward was listening as intently as I was, “When we all got word of what Caius was planning I told Demetri of our plans to run, I thought I could trust him, he told Caius and they came for me in the night, they tortured me for eleven days, burned me, tore my arms and legs off, shaved my head, everything you could think of, never once asking me a question just pain.” 

I lifted myself up and sat on a rock, Edward beside me. “It was the twelfth day when she entered the room, your mother, I thought she came to save me, but she came to kill me, told me that you and the others had escaped and I was of no more use to the trilords, she informed me Aro left with you, I was so glad you were free, even if it cost me my existence I didn’t care.” 

Alice’s voice was beginning to crack, “Bella, your mother was so powerful, they all feared her and when she placed an Executive Order it was to be followed through or there was great consequence.”

I stood up slowly, “Wait Alice, I remember a conversation Aro had with the others Marcus said it was an executive order, he was referring to my mother?”

“Yes Bella, she was drunk on power, still is apparently.”

Edward s voice was so comforting, “Alice how did you survive, if she is so powerful how?”

She just smiled, “Jasper, he freed me and we ran, I knew Moriana would look for me but I wasn’t a priority, Bella and Mara were, But you never knew she was alive, until now that is.”

I knew I had underestimated Alice, I knew my mother had an amazing hold over me, but I also knew she would return to me, time was not on my side, “ Alice why does she want me dead, and Mara?”

“The blood same as before, she knew it could make her army unstoppable, Caius was immediately on board, Marcus had no choice, since Aro ran Marcus stuck by Caius and his choices.”

“She had me why didn’t she take me?”

“You cloaked Mara so well not even Moriana can find her, you see Bella, you hid her with the only thing that evil cannot penetrate, a mother’s love.”

Maggie was speechless, as were we all, clearly the lies had manifested into a life of their own, for once the air was beginning to clear, but I knew I needed to learn how gifted I was and just how powerful I could be before my mother returned.

Chapter 17~ Mommy Dearest

We tossed the bodies in a large ditch; Jasper lit a match and threw it in. The purple flames rose a good fifty feet in the air. “We best get moving the authorities will be coming soon,” Maggie said as she pulled my arm. “Yeah you’re right let’s go.” I lightly shook Maggie’s hand off and grabbed Edward’s instead. I waited until the others were a good deal ahead of us and whispered to Edward, “I need to talk to you.”

“OK Bella, you can talk go ahead what’s going on with you?”

I shook my head, “Not here, I need to talk to you alone, just trust me please?” He nodded

“Of course Bella, after we set up camp for the wolves we can take a walk, get out of ear shot.”

“Perfect,” We walked for a good five hours, finally Jake stopped, “OK I need to rest let’s take a break.” We found a hidden piece of land buried deep in the woods. As tired as I was I knew I had to get away with Edward and talk to him. Edward pulled me close, “Bella and I are going to take a quick walk around, check the perimeter” The others shrugged, they didn’t seem to care. 

We climbed atop a large hill keeping the campsite in out sites Edward tenderly stroked my cheek, “Now that we are far from the others, please tell me what’s going on.”

His touch sent a shiver up my spine, but I had to focus so I took his hand in mine, and gazed into his perfect copper eyes. “I saw my mother.” He took a step back.

“What, like in a dream?” 

I shook my head, staring at him knowing that he was desperately trying to make sense of my words. “Bella, that isn’t possible, it must have been a vision or something.”

“No Edward, when we reached the hill where Caius’s people were, she froze time she came to me, she knew I needed her, it is the path I am on it all wrong.” My words began over lapping I was talking incredibly fast; Edward placed his hands on my shoulders.

“Bella darling, calm down you are saying you saw your mother, that you saw Moriana?”

I took a deep breath, “Yes you heard me right, and it wasn’t a vision it wasn’t a dream I didn’t hit my head, she was here.”

He just glared into my eyes, trying to find sense in the chaos. “ Edward, she told me Alice was not what she seemed, Caius tortured her for years because of me, no one can know she lives.”

“None of this makes any sense Bella, I believe you but,” He trailed off. I knew he was realizing all the things that had gone through my head a million times already. “Bella, this changes everything.”

“Edward, I am going to kill Alice, She is a liar, she is a murderer, and I think all those years ago when I hid Mara and Emily and had my mind erased, it had nothing to do with Caius forcing me to tell him, it had to do with the fact that as long as I knew Alice would know also.” 

“Bella, how does that explain how I didn’t read her mind and know what she was up to?”  He began sliding his fingers through his hair, and pacing.

“Edward, she is working for Caius, I wouldn’t be surprised if she has been gifted with some gypsy magic, I have no idea, but I know that she has a fierce power behind her, no doubt given to her to fight me if she had to.” Edward turned to me, brought his face to mine.

“If she so much as looks at you wrong I will tear off her arms and impale her with them.” I gingerly kissed his lips. 

“You just keep listening to her thoughts; we need to get Jasper away from her, if he knew he would be a problem.”

“ Bella, how do you know your mother isn’t setting you up, what if Caius got to her, we need to think clearly and I know that the thought of your mother being alive inspires you to avenge all the wrongs, but we need to sort all this out.”

“I don’t know Edward, but I felt her it was like we connected, I don’t think she could lie if she wanted to.” 

His eyes were full of fury, his face painted with the anger and hurt only loved ones who have been deceitful to you could create. “I am sorry Edward, I know this is hard to hear and I wish you could feel the truth that fills my veins.”

“I want to believe this Bella, I want to because you do, but Moriana is very powerful and I fear she has manifested some kind of magic with in you.”

(He didn’t believe me) “You are questioning this?”

“I don’t want to, but something just doesn’t feel right about all this.”

I couldn’t understand the doubt Edward had; inside I was sure that Moriana’s words were truthful. I had my own feeling about Alice’s actions to begin with. “Alright Edward, then I will have to prove it to you.”

“How are you going to do that, you are only just learning.”

“No Edward I have always known what’s inside me I am only just rediscovering it, I have a sneaking suspicion that once I call on the magic it will get in step with my intentions.”

A flustered sigh escapes his lips, “Bella, I don’t know what to do here, I feel like we are being attacked at every turn.”

“Because we are Edward, and we need to trust each other, and if proving to you that Alice is up to no good here then that is what I will do, but let me.”

After a few seconds he shakes his head, “OK I won’t interfere, but I hope you aren’t wrong.”

Chapter 16 ~ The Ties That Bind

As the sun begins to dip behind the mountains we all begin to travel, and by all I mean everyone Not one wolf or vampire strayed. We were a united front, I could feel how we were all connecting, and we were melding together. I was feeling everyone’s emotions, I knew where everyone was at every second, waves of cold would brush my cheeks when a vampire was near, but each with their own scent. A rush of warmth for the wolves, their scents a little bit more difficult to place but still each was linked to their own aroma. I was learning to connect with the darkness, but in a way where I could stay in control with it. My lips curl with amusement, Edward mimics my happiness, “What has you so content my love?” I shrug slightly, “I think I am getting this power thing under control, I can control it better I think.”  He shakes his head, “That’s great, we will need it.”

“I wonder what Aro would think of all of this?” Edward pulls my arm under his, gently kisses the top of my head. “He would be proud of you, you are amazing Bella.” I let my mind wander as we travel, letting Edward guide me.  I begin remembering when Aro would try to teach me how control my blood lust, but how the unchartered territory of me being part witch would throw him off guard. Once he put a boy no older than eleven in front of me, after I had not fed for days and told me not to drink from him. I circled the boy, inhaling his succulent fragrance, lightly growling as I wouldn’t dare disobey Aro’s rule not to drink. I sat across from the boy for what seemed like hours, Aro stood against the wall watching me, I knew he was trying to figure out what I was thinking. The boy was sweating, which made concentrating even harder.  That was when the darkness whispered to me, telling me how to get relief from my burning without drinking from him. I hopped off the stool, smiled at Aro, walked over to the boy, and placed my hand on his head. The boy leaped back, but my grip was fierce, he didn’t go far. I closed my eyes, and just breathed. The fire in my throat slowly began to diminish, relief was washing through me. I could feel strength empower every inch of my being, I was beaming with excitement and comfort. When I felt fulfilled I leisurely opened my eyes. The boy was hollow, his eyes caved in, his skin was the color of ash, he was dead.  I dropped him in shock of his sight, and turned to Aro, his face showed only amazement and wonder. Then I remembered, him telling me how I lifted the boys souls from his body and took it inside my own vessel.

I stopped walking, Edward turned to me, “What is it Bella?” I looked at him, “Souls,” He looked at the others, and put his face an inch from mine. “You don’t need them, you know that, you learned to deny yourself that, if you are hungry I will find you something.” I gingerly took Edwards hands, “No, I mean I remember what the witch in me ate, when I had asked Maggie, she shuddered and dropped the conversation, now I know why.” He lifted his head, “Yeah, some think it was that day in the basement when Aro gave you that boy that woke up the darkness, others think I did that.”  He smirks, and begins walking again.

I wish my mother were still around, so I can ask her what it all means, you are here to help with parts, but she knew so much that was unchartered territory.”

“Yes, Bella but you are doing outstanding on your own; don’t diminish what you have already accomplished.”

I kiss the palm of his hand, “You amaze me just as much.” Just then Jake runs to my side. “Bells, we have a situation up ahead.”

My eyes search the forest, a slight blockade was a good twenty miles up. “It looks like a few of Caius’s army, Jake.”  He nods. 

“Can you tell if any of them are gypsies Bells?” I scope them out one at a time, Edward interrupts, “They are all vampires, I am sure of it.” I shake my head in agreement.

“ I think Caius is setting these little blockades up all over, trying to figure out our path, as each gets destroyed he will be able to where we are going.” 

“So then we need to split up then Bells,” I look at Jake. “That could be dangerous, other blockades might have gypsies.” Jake rolls his eyes.

“What if we split up but here’s how it will need to work, “Edward kneels down and begins drawing in the dirt. “ about twenty  of us go up the mountain this way and see who the spotters are, the rest head for the blockade after the spotters have been identified and captured.” I turn to Edward,” Ok I will help with the spotters.” He shakes his head. “Too Bad Edward, you all don’t stand a chance if there are gypsies for spotters.” 

I raise my eyebrows and hold my ground. “Bella, you can’t fight off a group of Gypsies.” I reach out and place my hand on Edwards Cheek. “I don’t know what it is I can do, but vampires you can all take those no problem.” Edward stands, “I go where you go Bella, that’s one rule I won’t let anyone break.” I nod. “Fine, Alice and Zaf go with the wolves, You, Jas, Maggie and a few others stay with me.” We all agree and Jake heads to the others to go over the plan. 

Edward intertwines his fingers with mine, “I just don’t want to lose you again Bella.” I look at him, his face full of worry. “Edward, I don’t know what will happen, but I know we won’t all survive this, but I know we will all fight harder than anyone and anything in this world, and I know you love me so that right there gives us points.” My humor is wasted on him, he is determined to protect me, I see this. If he tries I know Caius will destroy him, I can’t let that happen. 

The group divides, Edward, Maggie, Jasper, me and a few others trek up the mountain, Jake watches us intensely, and a few wolves are behind us just to give word to Jake and the others when the spotters have been taken out. We reach a peak, a tent rests atop it. Two figures facing the blockade paying no attention to us. I signal to Jas and Maggie to grab the one on the left, she nods. Just as I am about to jump on the other figure, my body becomes completely limp and I fall to the ground. The figures are unmoving, I try to look at Edward but in the corner of my eye they look to be frozen. Just then another body steps out of the tent, smiles and kneels in front of me. She was tall and beautiful, her hair was black like mine, her lips were as red as blood, her eyes were like clear crystals and her skin was as white as the moon.

I try fighting but it is no use, she reaches for me, hushing my struggles, “Don’t fight my dear, it’s useless.” I try and speak but my voice is gone. “Do not fret, your friends are OK just still at the moment, as are the two figures you came to destroy.” My mind was spinning; I couldn’t even hear the darkness. “You are wondering who I am yes?” She laughs, stands and circles Edwards’s statuesque body, she slides her finger along his arm. “He is a radiant creature; I can see why you are drawn to him.” I can feel the anger boiling inside me, I knew I couldn’t stop her I knew she could decimate us all. She walks toward Maggie, “The ginger is still following you around I see, and the mood ring,” as she rustles Jaspers hair. I can feel my face again and I am able to speak.  “What are you?”

She turns abruptly, “You are getting stronger I see, “She lifts me up, and searches my face for a long time. “ You look so much like him, it sickens me.”

“I will take your word on it, seeing as I have never seen my mother.” She grips the side of my face and pushes my face closer to hers, “Well take a good look my child, I am right here, mommy dearest.” I push my face from hers and drop to the ground. 

“My mother is dead, you are a liar!” She just laughs more. “Why, because that’s what Aro told you, or was it Alice?” She grabs Maggie’s hair and lifts her two feet off the ground. “No wait; it was the Nanny, in the study, with the rope.”

“LET HER GO!” I stumble but eventually am able to stand. She turns toward me still holding Maggie, “You are a foolish, naive child, you live in a world where you believe who you are told to believe, but deep inside, you can hear it, the darkness, she sings to you and you shut your ears to her melody.” 

“No I listen, I can’t understand everything, it gets mixed up, just please let my friends go and you can take me to Caius whatever you want.”

She screams at the top of her lungs, “I DON’T WANT TO TAKE YOU TO CAIUS YOU STUPID GIRL.” 

“Tell me then what do you want I will do it, anything.” Her glare would set me on fire if she wanted it to. I knew it. I tried to see the mother she was to me but found nothing.

“What did they do to you?” She drags Maggie by her hair as she stand before me. “Beat me, lit me on fire, drowned me, quartered me, you name it sweet child of mine and they did it.”

There was great anguish in her face; I knew she spoke the truth, “But why?”

“For you of course, Bella, they wanted to find your daughter, which they could only do if they had you.” 

“Mara, she is innocent she is nothing, and I don’t know where she is.” 

She slid her finger along my cheek, “That is where you are wrong, she is everything, she is the key my dear, she is the first bred of a hybrid, her blood it will give Caius the power to be like you, as powerful as a vampire but with the strength of a witch.” 

“Why not just take my blood then?” She sighs in frustration. “Your blood is too potent it would kill him, but Mara’s is perfect, if his drinks her dry he will be unstoppable.”

She drops Maggie, “ I must go Bella, but you need to open your eyes, they cannot be trusted, you were right not to trust Alice, when I am gone, the figures will be dead, you are to say you did it, whatever you must, no one can know I live, run Bella, protect Mara, Kill Caius!”

A massive dark cloud of dust engulfed my body and she vanished. Everyone was moving again the figures were on the ground, dead, all eyes were on me. “I killed them, the darkness it took over, I don’t understand it.”

Edward took my head in his hands, “Are you OK, It was strange like time froze.”

“Yes I am fine I swear, we have to go now.” He looked at me strangely and we all hurried down the mountain toward the blockade, when we reached it all of Caius’s army was destroyed. Alice grinned, and folded her arms. “All in a day’s work.” I just smirked back at her, the witch’s words echoing in my ears, I knew I had to kill Alice.

Chapter 15 ~ Shock, Dismay, Worry, Revenge

 I am fairly certain I had turned to stone and any chance of speech had run from me.  Edward wasn’t moving either, except for the slight flicker in his brow every minute or so.  Finally Jake broke the silence. “Bella, you still with us?” His words were full of worry, and genuine concern. “Um, I think, maybe,” I slide my hand from Edward’s cheek, but my gaze remained on his golden eyes. “Did you say sister, and our baby, yours and my child?” Edwards lip almost quivered, tears would never find his perfect eyes, but pain was a constant resident in his soulful heart. I could actually feel the torture he endures; I don’t know if it’s part of my power or that I just know him so well. “Edward, please, speak.” His eyes drop, he stumbles over his words for a while. “Bella you have every right to be angry with me, I would understand, I just couldn’t lose you or them, you are all I have, without you and our daughter my purpose on this earth is pointless.”  My heart was racing, I knew it wasn’t your average heart, but the feeling was amazing. It was as if someone was telling me my child was alive, only after thinking she was dead for many years. I felt elated. Edward was killing himself over a secret, a secret that kept our family alive. I could never fault him for such a sacrifice. I knew he had this knowledge, but no way of knowing where exactly they were.

“You don’t know where they are Edward do you?” He shook his head lightly, “I never wanted to, you see before you went to the Gypsy you took your sister and our daughter to a safe place, well hidden, you told no one because you knew that Caius would stop at nothing until he found them, and after you met us in Athens where the Gypsy erased everything, and planted a fake life.”  A single crimson droplet fell from my eye. “But I can’t remember Edward, and I desperately want to.” He cupped my face with in his perfect alabaster hands. “I know Bella, part of me wants you to remember to, I miss her so much, it’s as if I have no arms without her.” My tears begin to flow freely now. “I don’t even know her name Edward, if I am not with them how can I keep them safe, how do we know they are still alive?”  He pressed his forehead to mine, we close our eyes, I sobbed like a child, and I knew he would if he could. “My dear Bella, because Caius seeks you only means he has not found them, trust that you did right by them, walking away from them was the hardest thing anyone could do.” I was begging the darkness to shine the light for me, to show me where my baby was, I was making silent deals left and right, but nothing, was the dark trying to keep them safe to? “Your sister’s name is Emily, and our daughter, her name is Mara, you named her after your mother, Emily is not gifted in anyway, she was a failed creation of Aro’s but loved all the same.” 

My cries, taper off slightly, “Did my mother give birth to Emily?” Edward rubs my head, “No, he tried to mate with one of the children of the moon, it went horribly wrong, Aro debated killing Emily for some time.”  I wipe my blood strewn face with my sleeve, and then Maggie hands me a handkerchief, I smile,” Thanks Maggie.” She kisses the top of my head and steps back. “What made Aro change his mind?” Edward’s lips crack a halfhearted smile. “You of course Bella, you wanted a sister so badly, it was the only reason Aro agreed to it in the first place, you and Emily were inseparable.” My eyes searched over the crowd of people watching Edward and me, most of them sympathetic to our loss, only a few showing no emotion at all. “When Aro came to you and said that Emily had to go, you gave him one hell of a temper tantrum; you said you would never forgive him and never talk to him again, so she stayed.” I released a single chuckle, “I sound like a brat.” A few giggles were heard from everyone.

“On the contrary,” Maggie chimed in, “You were made with the best parts of your mother and your father, and you were born a fighter, live as a protector, and will be remembered as a savior to many, no matter what the outcome may be.” I slowly stand, and face the many people, wolves, and vampires before me. Edward stands beside me grasps my hand. We look into each other’s eyes for a moment, he didn’t have to read my mind, and he knew me like no other.

 “Emily is my sister, and she is yours as well, her mother was of this tribe no doubt that is why you joined this fight to begin with, we are linked and we fight for the same purpose, we fight to be free, to live, we fight for the fallen, together we can end this, but I no longer will ask you for your sacrifices, from this point forward if you follow it is a choice you make, but know this, if you run, that will change nothing, many have died and I will be in your debt forever, if  you need me I will come, I will protect any of you until there is no life left in this vessel.”  Edward squeezes my hand, like he was sending me strength through touch. “I will not force myself to remember where Emily or Mara are, if it comes to me than only I will know, I will not endanger anyone further, I will go to them, and hide them once more, and if I must, I will wipe my mind a hundred times until Caius and Marcus and that hoard of sadistic savages are dead, and they will die, at that point we will be avenged, and we will breathe the air of freedom.” 

I look over the crowd, many smiling, others standing taller more confident, a few still suffocated in fear. I didn’t know how many would fight with us, but for the first time I knew what the goal was, I knew I wasn’t alone and I felt loved that love was worth dying for.